That Scorpio Full Moon, 2016

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The key to this current Scorpio Full Moon is to acknowledge the signs and recognize where you need growth and change in your life

I write this from a plane 33,000 feet in the air, en route to Los Angeles from New York. The first time I made this trip was over fifteen years ago, in 1999 (Prince reference – we just lost him today, may he rest). I had gone with some friends and had one of the most magical trips of my life. We dressed up and went to classy bars. We stayed in a jazz-themed hostel across the street from Central Park. We ate pizza every day and didn’t give a fuck. Magic. It was during that transformative trip I realized that I had no choice but to move to New York City. Two years later I did. That too was magical. The plan was to move there, make theater, get a play onto Broadway, and become a true artist. Needless to say, things didn’t play out that way.

Two years later, I was living in a run-down walk up on 7th St and Avenue C, and there was no glamour to be found. I still had my dreams, though I felt like they were rejecting me. I did write and direct a play, but it was downtown, far from Broadway. In hindsight, still a triumph, yet at the time, it felt like a disaster. After about two years in NYC, I went home to L.A. to visit family and friends, in hopes they wouldn’t see my sadness. However, it showed. I had been working part-time at a movie studio in New York and was in love with it, but I didn’t see myself working a full-time office job. That wouldn’t be the way to true artistry. But in L.A., I saw many of my friends working in the business and enjoying it. And the more I thought about it, the more I thought that working in film would be a larger way to reach people. Maybe I should just work my way into that business and see if that was my path to storytelling.

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I went back to New York confused. I loved the city so much. I loved all it represented. But perhaps I had put in my time there, gained the necessary knowledge, and now it was time to allow the stream of life to take me in a different direction. But that would mean everything I believed about myself wasn’t true. It would mean that I would have to let go of the life I thought I was going to live. I would need to shift my perception of me in some way. I would have to transform in a major way. Could I do that?

I rode over the Williamsburg Bridge from JFK, contemplating my future, telling myself that if the Universe had a plan for me, if I was meant to leave NYC, it would illuminate the path. It was late and went to bed, determined to pay attention to the signs. The next morning, I awoke to my roommate knocking on my make-shift door. “You up?” I responded and she said we needed to talk. “I know you just got home but I don’t think this should wait. And I didn’t want to bug you on your trip.” A pause. “I’ve sold the apartment. We have to be out in a month.” My life lit up. I stood up on the bed and started bouncing all over it. “Are you okay?” she asked, a curious look on her face.

I saw the sign. “I’m great. I’m moving back to L.A.!”

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A month later, I was on this flight again, flying west. Once in L.A., it all unfolded. I healed some old wounds with my parents. I got a reputable film business job on very little experience in less than six months. I guess you could say it was right place, right time. Now, the transition wasn’t all easy. The mental shift took much time. I mourned the loss of my New York dream, beating myself up for giving up. I eventually did learn to recognize that I had realized my dream, but just in the way that I needed to. And I had also let go and trusted the Universe when it spoke to me. And now some dozen years later, I feel in the flow of my path more than I have in some time. I have learned to embrace change, and the growth of new dreams.

The key to this current Scorpio Full Moon is to acknowledge the signs and recognize where you need growth and change in your life. Somewhere in your life, you need to let go of a version of yourself that you’ve been holding onto so that you can embrace the transformation that wants to take hold of you at this time. I know that for me, I told myself that I had to either be a “true artist” or be behind the scenes, in the shadows. And for some time, I’ve been operating solely from the latter. However, I know now that I am an artist who also stands back and helps others. I can be all things. The only one telling me that I can’t is me, and it’s time to blow that bullshit out the window. I’m leaving it here, 33,000 feet in the air, where it cannot reach me.

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So what version of you do you need to release so that you can ground into the true you? Today is that day. Commit to your personal growth so that you can evolve and get closer to the authenticity that is in your heart, in your soul, and needs to be expressed. Maybe it’s career-related. Perhaps you need to step up and let a relationship evolve, or dissolve. You could be contemplating a move but just feel afraid to take on all that it will entail. Or there could just be a really challenging conversation you’re avoiding that could ultimately be the key to a great personal evolution.

There are messages being delivered to you by conversations and experiences in your life. Maybe even in dreams. So dig into them. Don’t be taken advantage of by your insecurities. They will hold you back because change is their greatest fear. And you don’t have time for that. Also, insecurities sometimes take on the form of people in your life. So if someone is reflecting that onto you, consider how you’re meant to deal with it, whether it’s removing him or her from your life, or standing up for yourself.

I have faith in you. In the words of that legend, Prince, “And if the elevator tries to bring you down, Go crazy, punch a higher floor.” You got this.

That Aries New Moon, 2016

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This morning was the New Moon in Aries, so today is an emotional New Year’s Day for us all. It’s an opportunity to reset your internal self and connect more deeply to the person you want to be projecting out into the world. That basically means that now is the time to take all that you have learned about yourself this past year, the good and the bad, and reconfigure it so that you can release what isn’t working and start amplifying what is working. That means confronting some pieces of yourself that you just keep holding onto (feelings, jobs, relationships, habits, etc.) and you know are not serving your best self, and just letting those motherfuckers go. It’s time. You need to make it so. This isn’t one of those times where you sit back and let Jesus take the wheel. You are in the driver’s seat of this life, my friend. So drive.

A big piece of this process is being up front with yourself about where you’re at right now. Ask yourself, “Are you happy?” If you’re not entirely so, then dig into what area of your life is making you unhappy. I know it isn’t easy for all of us to do this kind of internal work on ourselves. Or we feel we’ve done it to death. Either way, start anew and digest this question so you can be present to the answers you are harvesting right now, in this moment. Then start to see what areas of your life are suffering. Where do you need to focus more? What outdated shit is blocking the flow? Can you be adult enough to own these truths and make the necessary changes? The good thing is, in this moment, the planets are supporting this process for all of us so we should all take advantage.

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You can’t expect new results from old, tired actions. You just can’t. You can’t expect that new job or man or woman or home or feeling of happiness to come in if you’re approaching it all with the same ideas and attitudes. And yes, it’s easy to say, “Just change the way you think about something and the life change you desire will smoothly follow.” But the more you get into that flow, the flow of believing in yourself and that you’re deserving of your goals, the more you will see them come into your life. And also just admit it, the old shit you’ve been doing and thinking ain’t working anyway so why not try out something new. A fresh approach is always a smart move for any blocked project. So why shouldn’t that work on some element of your life? This is the kind of thinking you should be engaging in for this New Moon.

There was a time when I suffered from insane anxiety. I’m talking crippling, debilitating anxiety. I used to believe that any day would be my last. One day was an earthquake. The next, a heart attack. There was even a day where I found myself curled up against a wall on a very busy sidewalk, afraid that I was dying. I must’ve just looked like some lost, homeless youth, since it was San Francisco in the 90’s and people were curled up on the sidewalk on a daily basis. But that didn’t stop me from having these thoughts and anxious feelings. I was just convinced that my world was going to end.

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During this time, I was writing a play and working out all my angst through it. I was also working at this metaphysical bookshop near my house. One night, I stayed late to help with some inventory. On the way home, it started to drizzle. I only lived a few blocks away, so it didn’t bother me. It was two am and the streets were empty. I felt as if the city was mine. At an intersection, my walk light lit up and I stepped into the street to cross. I didn’t realize that the car coming toward me wasn’t aware of my existence, and I was struck and thrown fifteen feet into the intersection. It was a hit and run. A witness said that after landing, I stood up and walked out of the intersection, into some nearby bushes. My memory begins from there, with people standing around me, flashing lights, and an EMT asking me questions. I’ll spare you the details, but I didn’t look pretty. The EMT however was, so I of course asked him to hold my hand through the entire ambulance ride. He obliged. Again, it was San Francisco.

Weeks later, I was still laid up in my bed. My sister and friends were taking care of me. I was on the road to recovery. And I had a lot of time to think. But my mind shifted away from all the negativity that had been filling it before. Something terrible had happened to me, but my world didn’t end. I got back to work on my play and read through what I had written. I shit you not, in some of the last few pages, a character I modeled mostly after me went on a tirade to his friend about life. “I just feel like my life doesn’t matter. Like something terrible is going to happen to me. I bet I get hit by a car tomorrow.” I was stunned. I had written that shit. I couldn’t believe it. Some part of me couldn’t help but to think that I had called this experience in and was also just very blessed and lucky. That experience of reading my words while lying in bed with a wounded leg shifted me. Over time, the anxiety didn’t go away entirely, but it changed and it became manageable. Thankfully, I realized that my mind had a lot to do with the world I created for myself. And I needed to be responsible for it.

Our personalities are the reflections of our mentalities

I’m not saying that we are magicians. I am not saying that we are entirely responsible for our pain and suffering. There are forces at play that call us to our destiny and sometimes it’s a rough one. However, I do believe we must choose how we approach it all and manage it. I believe that how we treat ourselves on the inside does affect our outside, whether it’s the situations we call in, the people we pull close to ourselves, or simply the person we reflect out into the world. Our personalities are the reflections of our mentalities. And we can shape and shift these elements, as we get closer to our true selves.

That is the New Moon in Aries. May it be good to you. And you, be good to you too.