Anxiety found its way to me at a very early age.
I have no idea when I started biting my nails. I must have been around 7 or 8 when my dad would yell at me from the couch as I sat four feet away from the TV set, just gnawing on my hand. It sounds like anxiety found its way to me at a very early age. Chewing my nails was a way to deal with the pent up energy. And it still is, I guess. What can I say: I have a lot of spirit running through me at all times.
Today as I was driving on a grocery run, I started to bite my nail. I immediately became present with what I was doing and pulled my hand away. As I continued to drive, it dawned on me that I have been partaking in this particular bad habit for almost thirty years. Thirty years of behavior that my young child self started while mindlessly staring at The Cosby Show. And here I am. A grown ass man, still mindless. So what the hell has kept me stuck in this juvenile routine for so many years? I think it’s probably a product of my fearful upbringing, coupled with a problem relaxing. But it ain’t doing me any good now.
We must free ourselves from the habits that keep us from actualizing our best selves.
You may think that a habit like nail biting isn’t a big deal. Gross, yes. But is it destructive? On the surface, no. But in truth, when it comes to certain stressful situations, I am still that scared, nervous little boy. And in my adult life, when dealing in business or with a client, people don’t want to see some scared little boy in front of them. They want to see a confident, capable man. And that is who I want to be. But holding onto some childish activity just lets me keep one foot in the doorway to adolescence, and that’s a problem. Because then I am not fully taking responsibility for the present moment, and I am ultimately expressing fear about being a fully realized adult. I’m keeping myself from truly living as me.
Well, it’s time to let go.
This week’s full moon in Taurus wants you to get real.
We all have our vices, addictions, and areas of life where bad decision-making reigns, but the planets currently have a grander plan in mind for the sum of us. We must free ourselves from the habits that keep us from actualizing our best selves. This week’s full moon in Taurus wants you to get real and see that by holding onto a habit, you’re not giving yourself the complete commitment you deserve. More so, it wants you to get to the root of your apprehension to going all in on yourself. In order to be the greatest expression of yourself, you have to be dedicated to the dream you have for your life. It is when you strive for that dream that you activate the scenarios and relationships that will take you to the next level of your existence.
So what nasty habits are keeping you from making that ultimate commitment – the one that would have you dazzling at the change you’ve made for your life? Look at your life and choose one habit that is keeping you from actualizing the next, best version of you. Now, that is not to say that the ‘you’ now isn’t good enough. But the ‘you’ now probably isn’t taking full advantage of the gifts you have nor is it fulfilling the true purpose you see for yourself. So look deep and see where in your life you could stand to let go of an old way of being.
Here’s some further help, in case you need it.