Happy Pisces New Moon!

Happy Pisces New Moon to all! A great opportunity to write yourself a new story about how you relate to your intuition and imagination. 

Have you allowed yourself to be fully in tune with what you know to be your authentic being, or has some old way of thinking and being held you back? Are you able to dream and imagine the best life for yourself or have you lost faith in the future? Meditate today on how to begin anew, on how to see, think, and feel about yourself in a new way so that you can then manifest what you know in your heart to be your divine truth. I believe in you. 

And that’s not just an amazing Kylie Minogue song. That’s my heart’s message to you.

That Leo Full Moon When You Felt Good

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My mom is thrusting patterned shirt after patterned shirt at me, saying, “What about this one? I just want you to look nice.” At the moment, I may be wearing sweatpants and a t-shirt that says, “This shirt is my Halloween costume.” And it’s August. But I’m also twelve so I think that’s allowed. 

I swat away almost every shirt she tosses toward me, knowing that they won’t fit or will make me look like a large sectional from the seventies. I’m at least fifty pounds overweight at this point. I’ve also tried on at least twenty shirts of varying styles in this store over the past hour and nothing is fitting my body, so I’m tired. And I’m ashamed. I may not know how to intellectualize that or deal with it, but I am completely ashamed.

I’m ashamed that I’m not the kid whose mom is telling him he can’t get everything he wants because he just has so many options. I’m over feeling like a loser and a failure. My mom knows this. And because we’re both young, respectively, she says to me, “Well you just have to lose weight. Nothing is ever going to fit you looking like this.” She pauses. “And no one’s ever going to love you if you look like this.”
Boom.

Flash to me now as an adult who forgives my mother for saying this because she is nothing but pure love for me, and she knows now that she didn’t always say the right thing. But at the time, her statement buckled me and helped to carve out a mentality of never being good enough, of being less than. I forever became that fat kid, a disappointment because I didn’t fit in easily enough. And over time, that idea expanded beyond my looks. (I have since lost the weight and am confident in my appearance.) Subconsciously, I translated that mentality to other areas of my life. In work, I settled for seeing myself as less than, even in positions that I was specifically hired to do. I allowed myself to sabotage a job so that I could ultimately make true the feeling that I was not good enough for it. In relationships, I settled for guys that I knew were no good for me but figured they were the best I could get. Tale as old as time, I know. Most recently, I’ve realized how this works in my creativity, holding back my most authentic voice because “no one’s ever gonna love it.” All old, outdated ways of thinking and being that have taken me years to notice and shift. But with acknowledgment, I am doing my best to move forward and be better.

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Now is the time to take responsibility for your own authentic self and give it the freedom to enjoy life.

This Leo Full Moon is here to help all of us acknowledge how we may be holding onto some old, unnecessary baggage, and thus, holding back some of our inner roar. Because it coincides with a lunar eclipse, it’s very connected to past patterns. So we can look to the last eclipses from mid September of last year and August of 2015 to help get a sense of where in our lives we’re supposed to be looking here. What was going on in those two times for you and is there any correlation to something going on for you now? Is there an area in your life where you’re feeling suppressed and just “not good”? That could be a clue in. Whatever the result of your findings, what can you do or what do you need more of in your life to reclaim that joy?

Now is the time to take responsibility for your own authentic self and give it the freedom to enjoy life. Can you own what that means for you without caving into some sort of fear around what others will think of you? Shit, what you will think of you? Because you can have an idea for who you think you should be, or what you should be doing with your life, your job, your home, your relationship, etc., but then you have to ask if it’s really what’s in alignment with your soul’s passion right now. You have to ask who you’re making decisions about your life for: those in your life who you’re afraid will judge you, an old you that you don’t want to disappoint, or the you that is you, right now, reading this. Know that what will make you happy now is way more important that that thing you told yourself would make you happy years ago. And they may be the same thing so that’s dope. But if you’re still approaching it in the same way you did before, then you’re probably just banging your head against a door with no room on the other side of it.

So here’s a full moon ritual for you. Draw a picture of yourself, the ideal you that you’ve always envisioned yourself to be. If you’re like me and can’t really draw, then just write out the important details to help illustrate that person. Put all your intention of who you think you’re destined to be into it.

Then, in a safe way, burn it.

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Do this because you need to release the idea of who you think you are meant to be so that you can actualize the authentic you who is all ready to bust through now. All of that old stuff that you’re ready to let go of still has a hand in drawing that picture of the ideal. So let it all go, in one fell swoop, so that you can be excited and surprised by the real you, the present you, that is ready to emerge and claim your space in the world in a way that you haven’t allowed yourself to ever before.

That Mercury Retrograde When You Decided Not to Be a Hot Mess

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A Mercury retrograde time can bring chaos into one’s life, but it’s ultimately here to show you a different path to action

Today marks the start of another Mercury Retrograde period (until January 8th). Go ahead. Cheer now! What this means is that for the few next weeks, your greatest hot mess of a friend (and I’ve totally been him before) will be blaming it for every tardy meeting, every missed text, and every unreturned phone call. Sure, that technologically challenged shit will go down, especially for my Scorpio friends, but we can’t let what Mercury in retrograde traditionally represents rule all of our communication misgivings. In fact, we must take this time to hold up, slow our rolls, and take stock of the bigger picture we currently have for our lives. We must get real about whether everything we are doing is helping to manifest our greatest future goals.

Mercury is going retrograde in the sign of Capricorn, which is very concerned with the big picture for our lives and all the hard work that goes into achieving it. We all know that nothing is handed to us. Even for the overnight success, years were spent toiling away in the workshop, at a desk, in the studio, or at school. So when Mercury, the planet engaged in all things communication, halts itself for the retrograde, room should be made for a re-evaluation of one’s goals and what is being done to manifest them.

We should first narrow in on the specific area in life that keeps you up at night: career, a relationship, a health goal, or one’s view on spirituality. Then, if you’re hitting a wall of any kind, stop trying to PUSH forward and reconsider the path. Are you actually doing everything you could be doing to move ahead/break through or just going through some motions? Do you need to let go of something (a person, place, thing, or mentality) in a more profound way so that you can truly activate your next personal phase? The great thing is, you can stop looking around and blaming “xyz” for your problems. With some inward evaluation, you will see what is potentially keeping your goals at bay.

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Without a doubt, these next six weeks can be extremely transformative for all of us. With Pluto, the planet in charge of deep soul shifts, touching on this current Mercury phase, know that you’ll have a more focused understanding of your current intentions and goals by the end of January. But you have to be in the process of figuring your shit out. You can’t just get caught up in the day to day. This doesn’t mean that you shouldn’t get a break in. In fact, you need one. I need one. I’ll be on a beach soon with a book in one hand and a cocktail in another. Yes, the start of this six-week process must include some legit down time. In numerology terms, we are at the end of a ‘9’ year, thus the ending of a major cycle. It’s a back to 1 moment. And with any conclusion to a great life period, we should get in a good ass nap. That’s part of the process too. But then, once revived, you must make time for a rethinking and reworking of those pieces in life that just aren’t taking shape.

It’s important to know that your problems aren’t all in your head and you aren’t the entire reason that you can’t see or think straight. The world is really fucked up right now. Cities are being ravaged without thought for humanity. Women’s rights are coming under fire in various U.S. states. LGBT individuals are continuing to feel like secondary humans to the rest of society. Governments are recalibrating to assert more power in the war for who has the biggest cock. And there is so much else with race and the environment and civil unrest and on and on. It’s disheartening and disillusioning and some of us are struggling to make sense of it – to find our footing.

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Take these next few weeks to better understand where in this world you want to make a difference

One only needs to look to these current times to see the lesson in this Mercury retrograde phase. Pause and reflect on the ways that you can be more of a citizen for the world you believe in. You must figure out how to take your personal unease and alchemize it into something of use. Perhaps you are already in that process. But don’t feel a complete loss if you’re feeling powerless. You’ve only just begun to understand your power and your community is just figuring out how to come together. So time will allow you to gather your resources and rally your ideas into fruition. Take these next few weeks to better understand where in the world you want to make a difference and how. A large part of that answer  will be found by getting a greater understanding of yourself.

A Mercury retrograde time can bring chaos into one’s life, but it’s ultimately here to show you a different path to action. Are you going to get swirled up into life’s drama or will you choose this time to react differently? Can you keep on playing the victim to external circumstances or take pause to consider healthy ways to be a worthy agent of change? Will you allow yourself a clear mind or one filled with to-do lists and regrets and worries? If that email won’t send or your phone won’t make outgoing calls, will you build yourself up into a frustrated mess or just put the damn thing down and try to enjoy a phone-free afternoon of relaxation and contemplation? Right now, I say go for the latter on all counts. Your life will ultimately be more in tune, you’ll feel more purposeful, and you won’t be someone else’s hot mess of a friend when the next retrograde rolls around in the Spring.

That Gemini Full Moon When You Got Out of Your Head And Into Your Life

 

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You are the Sun to your life, the greatest life-giving star to everything that creates your own personal Universe

I’ve recently come to the realization that I tend to put myself last, meaning that what I want always gets put behind what I believe other people want of me. I have trained myself to say, “Well let me handle what that other person needs from me since my thing can wait.” What that kind of thinking has fostered is a lifetime of waiting for myself to show up, well, for myself. I’ve constantly shown up for others out of fear of them hating me or being angry at me or not liking me. It’s all the business that comes along with wanting to be loved and accepted. But now, I’ve burst through to a place where I can see that I need to be the center of my world, and everyone else and their needs can orbit around me. Now this isn’t to say that I haven’t been selfish in the past. I have made choices where I had to put myself first. But in hindsight, those choices were made from a place of survival and not self-love. I wasn’t ever really running toward anything but more so running away. And this placed all of my dreams in a pile, one I would be back later to clean up. Thankfully, later is now. Better now than never.

The Gemini Full Moon time creates the space for us all to bring our inner hopes, needs, and questions to the surface so that we can take action on them. We have the opportunity to face whatever internal dialogue of self-doubt versus self-worth it is that we contend with and move through it. We can elevate ourselves from a one-dimensional to a multi-dimensional view of ourselves. We should take this time to grab those dreams, those visionary ideas for our lives that we haven’t given enough validity to and push them into some form of existence. This may be a necessary shift in a relationship or family, or perhaps a conversation that needs to happen around career. Maybe there’s a project that needs to begin or a new field of study that needs attention paid to. Whatever it is that you know in your heart and mind is the thing that will help you connect to your loved self, take some action toward it now.

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You must take stock of your life and see where your own inner conversation has led you. How are you keeping yourself small? Who have you been waiting for to give you permission that you can be who you want to be? You must move into a state of self-being and self-worth where you can feel enabled to accomplish the goals that you believe you could achieve once upon a dream. You have that opportunity. You just need to take responsibility for your growth and accept the abundance that is available to you. Sure, it may look like a terrible road to cross full of challenge and upheaval. But no great race was ever rewarded for not leaving the starting gate.

The key right now is to NOT go it alone. It’s so easy to stay inside the bubble of yourself and toil through your troubles there. You don’t want to seem weak to others. You don’t want friends to think you’re crazy or unhappy. You don’t want anyone to know you feel alone. But making yourself vulnerable to others is the fastest way to understand that you are not alone. And this Gemini Full Moon time wants you to connect with someone other than the critical voice in your head. Jupiter in Libra and Mars in Aquarius are around too, urging you to reach out and give yourself over to others, insecurities and all. Make yourself available to others. Ask for their insight. Gather advice on an issue. Allow their encouragement to enter into your being, to remind you that you are the Sun to your life, the greatest life-giving star to everything that creates your own personal Universe. So you deserve to do all that you feel encouraged and called to do. Yes, this process will make you feel like you have some growing up to do. But you do. We all do, no matter our age or experience. That is called living. So get to it. I’m here for you.

That Sagittarius New Moon When The Perfect Illusion Died

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The Sagittarius New Moon wants us to bust through the perfect illusions we have built up in our lives so that we can take responsibility for our actual emotional truth

I’ve been away from writing because I just got married last weekend and have been immersed in the world of wedding planning. But it all went off perfectly and I’m in love with being a married man. Now being an astrologer, I of course had to pick a date that had some planetary meaning behind it. The date we chose coincided with Saturn being conjunct my Neptune in the 7th House. What does that mean? Well, Saturn is that planet all consumed with us growing up and taking responsibility in our lives. The 7th House is the house of partnership and marriage and because my Neptune, the planet of illusion, lives there, I found myself having to break the illusion of what I thought a wedding day should look like. Instead, I embraced the day and each moment for what it was and I could not have been more content and joyful throughout it.

As Saturn asked of me, I was taking responsibility for my approach to marriage and not entering into it from a place of delusion. I allowed myself to move through the illusions I had built for myself so that I could grasp the other side of Neptune, that of spirituality. I am a spiritual being. That is my truth. And my pure approach to my wedding allowed my ceremony and reception to reflect my spiritual truth. And my timing was spot on, as this new moon is all about this.

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Put your authentic self at the forefront

The Sagittarius New Moon wants you to bust through the perfect illusions you have built up in your life so that you can take responsibility for your actual emotional truth. You can no longer subscribe to the lies that you have told yourself. And you have been singing those lies so strongly for so long, that you believe them to be the truth of your own inner voice now. But that is some bullshit. And you know it. When you can get quiet with yourself and get in touch with the disharmony you feel in your heart about your relationship, your career, your health, etc, you will find access to your real truth. So stop allowing the behaviors that perpetuate your poor emotional habits.

It’s time to only take action from a place of authenticity. Stop trying to curve your feelings so that you can please others. You must put your needs at the forefront. And by doing so, put your authentic self at the forefront. Breaking through those illusions of what you think you should be doing or who you should be will connect you to the spiritual core of who you are, and that is what you need to be doing right now. Focusing outward will only garner you empty experiences. Allowing your inner self to be your guide will garner you the true experiences you need in your life right now.

I know, this can all sound a little easier said than done. Or maybe vague. But if you drill down into your general relationship with how authentic and truthful you are being in all aspects of your life, you will see where the holes are and the work that you need to do. And I bet you already know where those holes are. So don’t get caught up in responding in the usual way – the people pleasing way. Bye to that shit.

Be you. All you. That’s the Sag New Moon way.

That Aries Full Moon When You Had an Emotional Rebellion

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I have always loved astrology.

Ever since my mom introduced me to the horoscopes at the back of the Los Angeles Daily News. But in 1999, on a whim, I took a job at a metaphysical bookshop. On my first day there, the store manager Angelique, a sweet witchy diva, told me that I wouldn’t be behind the counter forever. “You’ll be working here as an astrologer someday.” Yeah, okay lady, I thought to myself. Cut to months later, it’s my 23rd birthday and I’m reluctantly getting a past life reading with a beautiful Brit named Michelle. She was the type of reader who would book up months in advance but she’d had a rare, last minute cancellation and the time had gone to me. Barely minutes into the reading, she had hooked me with extremely personal insights that no one could have just guessed on. Toward the end of the reading, she asked me about my relationship with astrology. I thought back on Angelique’s words. “I like to read my horoscope.” She laughed and said that I should study it. “You’ve been an astrologer many times over. It will come back to you in no time.” I shrugged at the information but figured why not. I quickly dug into my study of the planets and their ancient divination system. Six months later, I was out from behind the counter and working as a full time astrologer. It has been with me since.

Owning my place as an astrologer took a lot of time and courage. It was challenging enough coming out to people as gay, but coming out as an astrologer presented a whole new level of awkward. Sometimes it was easy. People would find it unique or interesting. Of course, they usually wanted to know what I could tell them about them. But there were also times of being joked about or dismissed. So much so, that I abandoned the work for a short time. With time and friendly encouragement, I have come to realize that it has always been a part of me, and that won’t ever change. I certainly don’t claim to know how astrology entirely works, but I do know that it works for me and offers me extremely meaningful connections with the people I have the pleasure of working with on their charts. I also know that if I chose not to own this piece of myself, I would be denying a huge part of me that wants to blossom, whether just based from this lifetime or countless other life times before.

I am an astrologer, and I love it.

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The Full Moon in Aries wants us to fully embrace the pieces of ourselves that we may not entirely understand but that make us wholly unique

Aries is all about new beginnings. It’s the first sign of the zodiac. Therefore, it can be a little naïve and blind to reality. But that also means that it isn’t tainted by others’ perceptions of reality. Aries feels free to boldly create the reality it envisions. It can charge forth sometimes without care for others around, but it also hopes to inspire others to follow in its path. Aries has a strong leadership quality, as people are attracted to its tenacity and confidence, but it wants to lead people to their own personal rebellion. With Uranus, the planet of inspiration and uniqueness, joining the moon at this full moon time, it amplifies that Aries boldness. It isn’t the time for your outer personality and inner emotional self to war against each other. The two must embrace and integrate. Your sun (soul) and moon (heart) must dance together during this time, meaning you can’t be one person out in the world and another when alone at home. This separation of you will no longer fly.

This is emotional rebellion time. It’s time to feel your passions, goals, and desires as if for the first time. Fall in love all over again. Push yourself to take risks with how you feel. Commit to each moment in your life with your whole heart. Stop filtering yourself for fear of judgment. Fuck the haters. The haters are just a reflection of your own insecurities. And hell, sometimes the greatest hater to your life is you. So you gotta stop that shit. Use this full moon time to get real deep with yourself and communicate about what is really meaningful to you. Ask yourself, “What do I want to define me and my life moving forward?” Wonder what life could be like if no one was watching. No one was judging or scolding or side-eyeing. Just you, no holds barred. No self-imposed limitations on who you could be, who you could love, what you could accomplish. Now how can you bring that forth into your real world life?

Here are some brief offerings of help, per sign: Continue reading “That Aries Full Moon When You Had an Emotional Rebellion”

That Libra New Moon When You Really Pulled Yourself Together

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The future self you’ve always dreamed of becoming can finally be the you of now

I recently went back into therapy and am so glad that I did. First off, going to therapy does not make one crazy. I would hope at this point, the stigma around therapy is old news. And in all honesty, I wear the fact that I go with pride. I believe that anyone who is willing to sit in a room with a stranger and be vulnerable for an hour will only make themselves a better person in their actual real world relationships. It also offers the opportunity to dissect yourself in a way that purges your mentality of old modes of operation. For me, there are just some outdated ways of seeing myself that I am ready to be rid of for good. There is only so many years that I can allow the traumas of a childhood gone by to help dictate my responses to the world I inhabit now. It’s time to relate to myself in a new way.

The Libra New Moon is here to help shepherd in a new, advanced level of relating to yourself, with the specific goal of restoring balance to your emotional equilibrium. What areas of your life are consuming you, perhaps causing you to ignore or avoid other, just as important areas of your life? Do you also have old ways of seeing yourself that need to be banished once and for all? Can you really use this moment in time to take stock of where you’re emotionally stagnant? If you have been craving movement in one area of your life but just haven’t seen it, you may want to pause and consider how you truly relate to yourself when it comes to that part of you.

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Let’s say that you are feeling stuck in your relationship life. Consider the story you’ve grown accustomed to in your head when it comes to your love life. “It’ll never happen.” “Maybe it’s just not for me.” Or you could be saying to everyone, “I’m happy on my own and it’ll happen when it happens”, but then rush home to cry while you secretly eat a tub of ice cream and watch Sex and The City reruns. You may be connecting some sort of shame or internalized guilt to your love life, thus building a wall up around that part of you. No one can penetrate the “I’m going to be alone forever” wall. They say love comes along when you’re not looking, and that is true. It’s because you are so content in all areas of your life and have such a pure, loving relationship with yourself, that you aren’t focusing any negativity into that part of you. You are loving yourself so much that someone is able to notice and say, “Damn, I want to love that person too.”

So what part of you isn’t being fostered as much as it should be, causing an imbalance in your life? Your friendships or family? Your work life? Your larger, life purpose goals? Your spirituality? Identify which piece(s) of you need attention and care and make a list of possible old mentality habits you have around those areas. You may also just need to make some forward thinking goals in those areas. For love, consider one goal to be, “I am going to date myself for a month”. Allow yourself to fall head over heels in love with you. Aries, Gemini, Leo, and Libra – I’m looking at you primarily for that one.

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Now is an amazing time to dust whatever sadness you have been carrying around off of your shoulders. You no longer have to carry that burden around with you. The idea that you have to be everything to everyone is a lie. You owe one person your full attention, and that is you. So really use this time. Get still with yourself and ask the hard questions. Where are you falling behind for yourself? Then think long and hard about why you can’t seem to give a certain area of your life enough love. It may stem back to some childhood trauma of yours that you thought was long gone by. Well, old habits don’t die easy, but with time and attention, they will die. And then you can truly start to relate to yourself from a new place of self-acceptance and understanding. The future self you’ve always dreamed of becoming can finally be the you of now. You deserve that. I deserve that. We all deserve that.

Happy Libra New Moon!

That Pisces Full Moon When You Found a Feather

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The Pisces Full Moon is one that asks you to give over to the flow of your path

Years ago, my man and I were in Granada, Spain, and we decided to go out in search of this hotel that was supposed to have the most remarkable view. We didn’t remember the name of it. All we knew was that it was across the way from the ancient and well-known fortress, The Alhambra. Our American brains figured it would be a breeze. The Alhambra is situated on the highest hilltop overlooking the city. We contemplated a cab but figured the walk would be more scenic. And it seemed relatively easy to find. We could see it up above so the idea was to just keep walking up. So we ventured out, taking winding streets that eventually got narrower and less populated. After about forty minutes of twisting and turning, we had lost sight of the Alhambra and started to feel lost ourselves. So we argued. “We should’ve just taken the cab.” “What were we thinking?” “Are we going to get mugged?” “Should we turn around?” It was not looking good. But still, something inside me said that it would all be fine. Not to worry. And it was then that I saw it. A feather.

I once read that finding a feather meant that you were on your path. It was a shaman’s omen, a touchable north star. So in that moment of real concern, a spiritual reminder of presence was necessary. “Look, a feather”, I said, pointing to a feather lying at the tip of a road. My man was like, “So.” I told him of the significance and being the hippies we are, he softened. “Okay, so we should head in the direction of it?” he wondered. I nodded and we continued on our way. From that point on, instead of embracing fear, we embraced wonder. Strange streets became interesting paths of street art and the occasional burst of music from a nearby window. And there were more feathers, which we would excitedly point out to each other. After about another twenty minutes or so, we turned a corner and saw it. The Hotel Alhambra Palace. We cheered and hugged. Soon, we were lounging on their terrace with a gorgeous rose and a breathtaking view of the entire city. We had given over to our path, not given up, and found ourselves in paradise.

Whatever roads you end up on are leading you toward your goals

The Pisces Full Moon is one that asks you to give over to the flow of your path. The fact that it coincides with a Lunar Eclipse only intensifies its energy, calling you to be a braver version of yourself. And it all occurs while you navigate through this current Mercury Retrograde in Virgo, which may have you all tongue-tied in the brain. But you must find grounding in the core of yourself and know that if you can be still within, whatever roads you end up on are leading you toward your goals. It’s when you get so caught up in questioning and overthinking that you fall off the path. That’s when we all turn around and miss what is calling us forward. And I would’ve been so bummed if I had missed that beautiful journey with my man, and that view. And that rose! So we must all be better about wading through our brain poop so that we can really get in touch with the spirit’s true agenda at hand.

A full moon is a time of fulfillment, so right now is an opportunity to ignite the fuse of closure around something in your life. Primarily, given the Pisces/Virgo connection, it’s when you must align what you want inside with what’s going on outside. How are you really taking care of yourself and finally going for what you know you want out of your life? Can you completely let go of the mental and emotional blockages that are keeping you from staying the path? Is it truly time to trust in your heart what you know is meant for you and allow it into your life? When you can get out of your own way by getting out of your head and fully into the world around you, you can take the time to notice the feathers at your feet. And those feathers are spirit telling you that all is okay. You can find your way.

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Let this post be a feather for you.

Here are some deeper insights for each sign. And read your rising sign as well, as that can offer up more and sometimes even greater insight into your current state. And if you don’t know yours, I can try to help you find it out. Just hit me up!

Continue reading “That Pisces Full Moon When You Found a Feather”

That Scorpio Full Moon, 2016

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The key to this current Scorpio Full Moon is to acknowledge the signs and recognize where you need growth and change in your life

I write this from a plane 33,000 feet in the air, en route to Los Angeles from New York. The first time I made this trip was over fifteen years ago, in 1999 (Prince reference – we just lost him today, may he rest). I had gone with some friends and had one of the most magical trips of my life. We dressed up and went to classy bars. We stayed in a jazz-themed hostel across the street from Central Park. We ate pizza every day and didn’t give a fuck. Magic. It was during that transformative trip I realized that I had no choice but to move to New York City. Two years later I did. That too was magical. The plan was to move there, make theater, get a play onto Broadway, and become a true artist. Needless to say, things didn’t play out that way.

Two years later, I was living in a run-down walk up on 7th St and Avenue C, and there was no glamour to be found. I still had my dreams, though I felt like they were rejecting me. I did write and direct a play, but it was downtown, far from Broadway. In hindsight, still a triumph, yet at the time, it felt like a disaster. After about two years in NYC, I went home to L.A. to visit family and friends, in hopes they wouldn’t see my sadness. However, it showed. I had been working part-time at a movie studio in New York and was in love with it, but I didn’t see myself working a full-time office job. That wouldn’t be the way to true artistry. But in L.A., I saw many of my friends working in the business and enjoying it. And the more I thought about it, the more I thought that working in film would be a larger way to reach people. Maybe I should just work my way into that business and see if that was my path to storytelling.

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I went back to New York confused. I loved the city so much. I loved all it represented. But perhaps I had put in my time there, gained the necessary knowledge, and now it was time to allow the stream of life to take me in a different direction. But that would mean everything I believed about myself wasn’t true. It would mean that I would have to let go of the life I thought I was going to live. I would need to shift my perception of me in some way. I would have to transform in a major way. Could I do that?

I rode over the Williamsburg Bridge from JFK, contemplating my future, telling myself that if the Universe had a plan for me, if I was meant to leave NYC, it would illuminate the path. It was late and went to bed, determined to pay attention to the signs. The next morning, I awoke to my roommate knocking on my make-shift door. “You up?” I responded and she said we needed to talk. “I know you just got home but I don’t think this should wait. And I didn’t want to bug you on your trip.” A pause. “I’ve sold the apartment. We have to be out in a month.” My life lit up. I stood up on the bed and started bouncing all over it. “Are you okay?” she asked, a curious look on her face.

I saw the sign. “I’m great. I’m moving back to L.A.!”

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A month later, I was on this flight again, flying west. Once in L.A., it all unfolded. I healed some old wounds with my parents. I got a reputable film business job on very little experience in less than six months. I guess you could say it was right place, right time. Now, the transition wasn’t all easy. The mental shift took much time. I mourned the loss of my New York dream, beating myself up for giving up. I eventually did learn to recognize that I had realized my dream, but just in the way that I needed to. And I had also let go and trusted the Universe when it spoke to me. And now some dozen years later, I feel in the flow of my path more than I have in some time. I have learned to embrace change, and the growth of new dreams.

The key to this current Scorpio Full Moon is to acknowledge the signs and recognize where you need growth and change in your life. Somewhere in your life, you need to let go of a version of yourself that you’ve been holding onto so that you can embrace the transformation that wants to take hold of you at this time. I know that for me, I told myself that I had to either be a “true artist” or be behind the scenes, in the shadows. And for some time, I’ve been operating solely from the latter. However, I know now that I am an artist who also stands back and helps others. I can be all things. The only one telling me that I can’t is me, and it’s time to blow that bullshit out the window. I’m leaving it here, 33,000 feet in the air, where it cannot reach me.

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So what version of you do you need to release so that you can ground into the true you? Today is that day. Commit to your personal growth so that you can evolve and get closer to the authenticity that is in your heart, in your soul, and needs to be expressed. Maybe it’s career-related. Perhaps you need to step up and let a relationship evolve, or dissolve. You could be contemplating a move but just feel afraid to take on all that it will entail. Or there could just be a really challenging conversation you’re avoiding that could ultimately be the key to a great personal evolution.

There are messages being delivered to you by conversations and experiences in your life. Maybe even in dreams. So dig into them. Don’t be taken advantage of by your insecurities. They will hold you back because change is their greatest fear. And you don’t have time for that. Also, insecurities sometimes take on the form of people in your life. So if someone is reflecting that onto you, consider how you’re meant to deal with it, whether it’s removing him or her from your life, or standing up for yourself.

I have faith in you. In the words of that legend, Prince, “And if the elevator tries to bring you down, Go crazy, punch a higher floor.” You got this.

That Aries New Moon, 2016

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This morning was the New Moon in Aries, so today is an emotional New Year’s Day for us all. It’s an opportunity to reset your internal self and connect more deeply to the person you want to be projecting out into the world. That basically means that now is the time to take all that you have learned about yourself this past year, the good and the bad, and reconfigure it so that you can release what isn’t working and start amplifying what is working. That means confronting some pieces of yourself that you just keep holding onto (feelings, jobs, relationships, habits, etc.) and you know are not serving your best self, and just letting those motherfuckers go. It’s time. You need to make it so. This isn’t one of those times where you sit back and let Jesus take the wheel. You are in the driver’s seat of this life, my friend. So drive.

A big piece of this process is being up front with yourself about where you’re at right now. Ask yourself, “Are you happy?” If you’re not entirely so, then dig into what area of your life is making you unhappy. I know it isn’t easy for all of us to do this kind of internal work on ourselves. Or we feel we’ve done it to death. Either way, start anew and digest this question so you can be present to the answers you are harvesting right now, in this moment. Then start to see what areas of your life are suffering. Where do you need to focus more? What outdated shit is blocking the flow? Can you be adult enough to own these truths and make the necessary changes? The good thing is, in this moment, the planets are supporting this process for all of us so we should all take advantage.

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You can’t expect new results from old, tired actions. You just can’t. You can’t expect that new job or man or woman or home or feeling of happiness to come in if you’re approaching it all with the same ideas and attitudes. And yes, it’s easy to say, “Just change the way you think about something and the life change you desire will smoothly follow.” But the more you get into that flow, the flow of believing in yourself and that you’re deserving of your goals, the more you will see them come into your life. And also just admit it, the old shit you’ve been doing and thinking ain’t working anyway so why not try out something new. A fresh approach is always a smart move for any blocked project. So why shouldn’t that work on some element of your life? This is the kind of thinking you should be engaging in for this New Moon.

There was a time when I suffered from insane anxiety. I’m talking crippling, debilitating anxiety. I used to believe that any day would be my last. One day was an earthquake. The next, a heart attack. There was even a day where I found myself curled up against a wall on a very busy sidewalk, afraid that I was dying. I must’ve just looked like some lost, homeless youth, since it was San Francisco in the 90’s and people were curled up on the sidewalk on a daily basis. But that didn’t stop me from having these thoughts and anxious feelings. I was just convinced that my world was going to end.

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During this time, I was writing a play and working out all my angst through it. I was also working at this metaphysical bookshop near my house. One night, I stayed late to help with some inventory. On the way home, it started to drizzle. I only lived a few blocks away, so it didn’t bother me. It was two am and the streets were empty. I felt as if the city was mine. At an intersection, my walk light lit up and I stepped into the street to cross. I didn’t realize that the car coming toward me wasn’t aware of my existence, and I was struck and thrown fifteen feet into the intersection. It was a hit and run. A witness said that after landing, I stood up and walked out of the intersection, into some nearby bushes. My memory begins from there, with people standing around me, flashing lights, and an EMT asking me questions. I’ll spare you the details, but I didn’t look pretty. The EMT however was, so I of course asked him to hold my hand through the entire ambulance ride. He obliged. Again, it was San Francisco.

Weeks later, I was still laid up in my bed. My sister and friends were taking care of me. I was on the road to recovery. And I had a lot of time to think. But my mind shifted away from all the negativity that had been filling it before. Something terrible had happened to me, but my world didn’t end. I got back to work on my play and read through what I had written. I shit you not, in some of the last few pages, a character I modeled mostly after me went on a tirade to his friend about life. “I just feel like my life doesn’t matter. Like something terrible is going to happen to me. I bet I get hit by a car tomorrow.” I was stunned. I had written that shit. I couldn’t believe it. Some part of me couldn’t help but to think that I had called this experience in and was also just very blessed and lucky. That experience of reading my words while lying in bed with a wounded leg shifted me. Over time, the anxiety didn’t go away entirely, but it changed and it became manageable. Thankfully, I realized that my mind had a lot to do with the world I created for myself. And I needed to be responsible for it.

Our personalities are the reflections of our mentalities

I’m not saying that we are magicians. I am not saying that we are entirely responsible for our pain and suffering. There are forces at play that call us to our destiny and sometimes it’s a rough one. However, I do believe we must choose how we approach it all and manage it. I believe that how we treat ourselves on the inside does affect our outside, whether it’s the situations we call in, the people we pull close to ourselves, or simply the person we reflect out into the world. Our personalities are the reflections of our mentalities. And we can shape and shift these elements, as we get closer to our true selves.

That is the New Moon in Aries. May it be good to you. And you, be good to you too.